Understanding the Female Identity: You’re Not Lost. You’re Buried.

If you feel like you’ve lost yourself — you haven’t. You’ve been buried under roles, expectations, and silent guilt for so long, it started to feel normal. This isn’t a self-care blog. This is your wake-up call to burn the script and reclaim the real you hiding underneath.
Written by
Vaishnavi Sahastrabudhe
Published on

Let’s just be blunt:
Most women don’t wake up one day and feel “empty.”
That emptiness is earned — over years of slowly handing away tiny pieces of yourself until you wake up one day and realize…

You don’t even know who the hell you are anymore.

Not in a poetic, coming-of-age kind of way.
In a terrifying, “I wouldn’t recognize myself in a room full of strangers” kind of way.

You’re not lost.
You’re buried.

Buried under expectations.
Under roles.
Under the pressure to be everything, for everyone, all the time — without complaining, cracking, or needing anything real.

The Disappearance Nobody Noticed
Let me ask you something.

When was the last time you asked yourself,

“Who am I… when no one needs anything from me?”

Silence, right?

Because from the moment you're born, you're handed scripts:

Be a nice girl.

Be a smart girl.

Be helpful. Be obedient. Be agreeable.

Don’t be too loud.

Don’t take up too much space.

Don’t want too much.

Don’t be too anything, really.

And at first, you’re just trying to be good.
Then, you’re trying to be liked.
Then, you’re just trying to survive.

Until eventually, your entire identity becomes a collage of what other people expect from you — and not a single pixel of it feels like you.

Identity Theft — But Make It Silent
No one steals your identity.
You give it away.
Piece by piece.
Smile by smile.
“Yes” by “Yes.”
Apology by apology for things you didn’t even do.

You shape-shift so well, people start to believe that’s who you are.

And maybe you do too.

Until something inside starts whispering,

“This isn’t it. This isn’t me.”

The Female Identity is Not a Role. It’s a Battle.
Let’s get one thing straight:
Your identity is not the roles you play.

You’re not just a daughter.

Not just a partner.

Not just a mother.

Not just a professional.

And definitely not just a “good woman.”

Those are jobs.
Valuable? Yes.
Defining? No.

Because the moment your worth is tied to being something for someone else, your identity is no longer yours. It’s a performance.

And when the audience leaves?
You collapse.

Let’s Talk About the Guilt
The moment a woman says,

“I want more than this,”
the world whispers:
“You’re ungrateful.”

The moment she says,

“I need space,”
someone says:
“You’re selfish.”

The moment she admits she doesn’t know who she is anymore…

The world hands her a self-care checklist and tells her to go take a bath.

But here’s what nobody says:

Your hunger to be whole is not selfish.
It’s sacred.

You weren’t born to be selfless.
You were born to be fully alive.

And aliveness has a cost.
It will ask you to disappoint others.
To walk away from roles that drained you.
To stop smiling when something inside is breaking.

So What the F*** Is Female Identity?
Here’s what it’s not:

It’s not being “liked.”

It’s not fitting in.

It’s not playing safe or small or silent.

And it’s definitely not measured by how well you keep the peace while setting yourself on fire.

Female identity is the part of you that existed before the world told you who to be.

It’s the raw, electric, unfiltered version of you that thinks, feels, desires, creates, says “no,” says “yes,” and refuses to shrink.

But here’s the thing.

She’s not gone.
She’s just buried.

Beneath the noise.
Beneath the labels.
Beneath the fake smiles and performative perfection.

And you’re the only one who can dig her out.

Reclaiming Her Won’t Look Pretty
This isn’t some journal-your-way-to-freedom advice.

This is real.

You will lose people when you start reclaiming your identity.
You will get called difficult.
You will question yourself constantly.
You’ll grieve the parts of you that were built just to make others comfortable.

But in return?

You get yourself back.

And that is worth everything.

Final Thought: You Were Never Too Much. They Were Just Too Small.
The biggest lie sold to women?

“You’re too much.”

Too emotional.
Too opinionated.
Too strong.
Too soft.
Too ambitious.
Too loud.
Too angry.
Too whatever makes other people uncomfortable.

Let me be very clear:

You were never too much.
You were just too real for people who were taught to love versions of women that never actually existed.

👊 You’re not lost.
You’re just buried under a version of you that was never yours.
Now dig.
Cut the noise.
Burn the script.
And meet the woman underneath.

She’s not new.
She’s you.
And she’s f***ing tired of waiting.

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